Why Animals Don't Like Me

Erik Christensen, Porkeri

Those who know me know that I'm not particularly fond of animals. I never want to own a cat or dog (especially ones that live in the house), I'm not a huge fan of hamsters or creepy things, and I don't plan to live on a farm. These declarations may be surprising to hear considering I grew up around animals. We had all sorts of animals when I was growing up—dogs, cats, sheep, goats, and pigs. We also had toads that lived under our patio. Our neighbor also had animals that my siblings and I would frequently go visit. One fond memory from childhood is going out to the coop to see the newborn lambs. While I still love seeing the little lambies frolicking in the fields in the spring—from a distance—I feel no other attachment to animals in general.

After pondering why this should be, I came to realize it isn't necessarily that I don't like them. In fact, it isn't my fault at all; it's that they don't like me. I've had many unpleasant experiences that have led me to this conclusion. I believe my ambivalence started when I was the tender age of two or three, and our dog Caramel (Karmel? Carmel? I'm not really sure how his name was spelled) decided to tackle me to the ground. It was one of those traumatic experiences that you always remember, and I've never cared for that dog since. Keesh, Caramel's successor, was a great dog, but I don't think I was ever as close to him as my other siblings were.

There are a number of other episodes that lead me to my theory of animals' general dislike of me: having cats come and go frequently as a child—either from running away, dying, or deciding to become feral; having mean dogs kill our sheep, including the little lamb Lucy; nearly having a heart attack every time I accidentally ran over a water snake (both alive and dead) while riding my bike in the summer; hearing a rabbit scream when Sammy and I attempted to catch one of David and Jill's that got away while they were gone; and watching my college roommate's hamster go into convulsions shortly before it died and then having the replacement hamster find it's way to my pillow without me seeing it one night.

As traumatic as all of those experiences were, I believe the animal race finally drove me from their affection one Sunday when I was home from college for the summer. I was working as a temp for a company in Salt Lake, and I couldn't get time off work to go to out of town for a few days with my family. I was left in charge of feeding the dog and chickens while everyone else was gone. Sunday morning I woke up and got ready for my 9 a.m. Church meetings. About 15 minutes before I needed to leave, I went out to feed the animals. As I approached the shed where all of the food was kept, I noticed the dog playing with something as he sat on the step to the shed. I realized when I got closer that it was a dead gopher. Don't worry—rather that drag it away when I approached, the dog left the gopher on the step and went back to his house. I gingerly stepped over the disgusting carcass and got the chicken feed from the shed.

As I attempted to pour the chicken feed in the chickens' trough, one of the chickens decided to flee the coop (or chicken tractor, as the case may be). Just imagine me running around the shed in a dress trying to catch the dumb chicken. I got so fed up that I decided to leave the chicken to its own devices—if it was dumb enough to escape, then it deserved whatever fate came to it. Besides, I was all ready for Church, and catching a chicken wasn't worth being late. Flustered and disgusted (remember the gopher), I went off to Church. That afternoon, I called my brother David, who lived close, to come and catch the dumb chicken, since it was still wandering around the yard when I got home from Church. Of course, he was able to catch it under a minute and put it back.

That evening, my family came home, but for some reason, I was still the one charged with feeding the animals that night. As I carefully held open the lid to the chickens' home—in order to keep any from escaping again—the bees who were building a hive under the lid unbeknownst to me decided to sting my hand and wrist multiple times. I trod back to the house and declared I was finished feeding the animals—for good. I don't think I was ever asked to feed them again.

So now the record is straight. The reason I can't stand to pick up a dead mouse in a trap or approach a giant city rat in the subway is because I know they're out to get me, and I've learned that if we keep our distance from each other, everyone's lives will be more peaceful than they would be otherwise. And peace is all I'm really looking for.

Reverently, Quietly

I was recently given a new responsibility in Church—I teach the 3-year-olds. In Mormon lingo, that is to say, I teach the Sunbeams—8 of them. In fact, that's only half of the 3-year-olds in our ward. I think this is either a good joke to the powers that be or they are oblivious to my inexperience with children. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love children. I especially love my nieces and nephews. However, playing with or talking to a child for a few minutes is very different than raising a child or being responsible for teaching them; it's a daunting task. I'd rather teach gospel doctrine in a classroom full of adults any day, mostly because I'm used to adults.

In the few weeks I've been teaching these little darlings, there have been a lot of amusing comments. The hardest thing right now is that they are all very new to Primary, and some have a really hard time without their parents. There are a couple of kids who come very near—or have a full-blown—meltdown every week. Today was the first real meltdown for one little girl, and when that happens, it affects the other kids in class. Every week, I think of this video. If you watch from 6:15 to 7:25, you'll get an idea of what today was like:

However, the one thing that has struck me so far is how quick these little kids are to love and how eager they are to please. This was only my 3rd Sunday, and already many of them want to sit by me or tell me all about what they did during the past week. It melts my heart every time. I think I need to keep that in mind when the next meltdown happens.

Stay tuned for more stories, as they are sure to come in the upcoming weeks.

In Response to Another's Opinion

Recently, I have read a couple of articles from those who say they have been raised in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but have for one reason or another decided to no longer practice their faith. One of these articles was written by an acquaintance from my undergraduate days at BYU. I am certainly not in a place to judge anyone's experience or personal feelings. I don't know their experience, and I believe everyone is free to choose to lead their lives the way they feel is best. I also believe we should be compassionate towards all people. However, I don't believe compassion means accepting all behavior as correct. I believe the doctrines of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to be correct, and I lead my life accordingly.

That being said, I would like to describe my own experience with regard to two points this article addressed—education/intellectualism and the place of women in the Church. I write this not to discount the experiences or feelings of the author of the above article but to explain my own experience, which has been so different than the one described in the article.

Education and Intellectualism
I grew up in a family that encouraged curiosity and valued education. I always felt like the Church has encouraged its members to search and find answers to their questions. In the Doctrine and Covenants, a widely referenced scripture explains this process of finding answers:
"But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right." Indeed, as members of the Church, we believe the "glory of God is intelligence."

I believe the key is combining critical thinking with prayer. Prayer has helped me many times to reconcile what is perceived to be contradictions between knowledge of scholars and the truth of God. We have an unmitigated channel to truth as we combine spiritual and secular things because the Spirit testifies of all truth, including secular truth.

In my academic studies, I have felt the Holy Ghost guide me in many things—from communication theory and British literary history to the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Instead of my faith being opposed to education, I found that faith and education not only coincide but exist in complete harmony together. In fact, one of the Church's leaders described scholarship as a form of worship, as I described when I first went back to school. For as many " dissident Mormons" who find their academic studies contradict what is taught in the Church, there are just as many or more who say their academic studies coincide and strengthen their faith in God and Jesus Christ. Henry Eyring, a renowned scientist, believed inspiration and academic research go hand-in-hand.

As far as BYU goes, the search for truth has always been part of its mission. I have found that to be true in my six years of school there.

Women in the Church
The author of the article mentioned above stated her belief that the Church has an "anti-woman" doctrine. To say such a thing shows a complete lack of understanding relative to our Church's doctrine about men and women. I could list article after article from leaders of the Church who state women should be actively involved in their families and communities, especially as righteous influences to others. The message from these is clear: women are not to be voiceless, uneducated second-class citizens. Everything I have heard or read sends the clear message that men and women have equal importance in the eyes of God, and both have a vital role to play in this world.

That being said, the Church isn't, and shouldn't be, apologetic about emphasizing the important role of mothers. To say the most important role a woman can fulfill is motherhood is not to demean her; it is to show the importance of a family. Where else can a woman have such an influence for good than in her own home? I say that as a person who does not yet have a husband or children. I still see motherhood as the greatest role a woman can fulfill.

What other religions have an organization specifically for women, who have organized to offer relief to those in needs since the day it was organized? At its first meeting, the Relief Society's president said the organization was going to do "something extraordinary." That extraordinary work has included donating much-needed grain to people in Europe after Word War II, working for women's suffrage alongside Susan B. Anthony, working on the national level as charter members of the National Council for Women, and working to help families on a local level in neighborhoods around the world. Women of the Church are teachers, nurturers, and leaders. In addition, men and women in the Church have always been encouraged to get an education. On more than one occasion, women specifically have been encouraged to gain an education.

In short, my experience in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has showed me that education and seeking truth is encouraged and expected, and women in the Church are encouraged to gain an education and use their talents for good throughout the world.